You know... sometimes things look great from the outside, but then when you open the door and peek inside it leaves you with a totally different look/feeling. Sometimes that alters everything and sends you sliding mercilessly around like you're on a sheet of ice that's smooth as glass. Hoping and praying that you will stop your sliding without too big of a crash, or that it (the crash) won't hurt too much. Sometimes all you're left with is a swift kick to the crotch (or gut if you ladies prefer) and you're left to carry on in agony hoping that the pain subsides enough enabling you TO carry on.
This is where I/we find myself/ourselves... with the kick to the crotch.
It sucks when you're left with more questions than answers.
It sucks when the apprehensively guarded happy feeling you were experiencing in July turns into "oh no... here we go again".
Emmah has more tumors... (as shown by the CT she got on the 5th)
We went from no evidence of measurable disease (precluding her from the trial/study) to three masses... one being 10cm... in the span of two and a half months. They (the tumors) thumbed their "noses" and grew during (and in spite of) radiation... and they were in the radiation field!
I would saddle myself (1000x over) with the burden that Emmah is forced to carry if I could... but I can't... and that's the hardest/worst/most unfair part of it all. To sit and watch and know that there isn't a damn thing I can do about it other than make decisions on what to do next. That and try to comfort her as best I can.
I'll uh... I'll post more later filling in some the details. I just wanted to let my readership (the faithful few) know that Emmah's back in ring for another round against this heinously repulsive disease.
As always...
KEIYTAP
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