Yes, it is that time once again... as of 8am tomorrow the 19th... school will be in session.
This is the year that Emmah should have been starting freshman year...
Lyndsey will be starting kindergarten, Rachael will be in 2nd grade, Jake in 4th and eligible to start band... which he is very excited about and Nick will be starting 7th grade.
There is a certain melancholy with the start of every school year and this year is no exception. Obviously there is Emmah, but for the first time in forever (it seems) there will be only one child home during the day... outside of myself that is.
Feeling the early pangs of empty nest...
KEIYH
18 August, 2010
13 August, 2010
Only The Good Die Young...
This is a post that I've had sitting in draft for 3/4ths of a year now. I wrote it way back last December the 23rd... 6 days before Emmah entered the hospital for the last time. I had almost all but forgotten about it until today. Today marks Lesley's 43rd birthday.
The following is not edited to reflect the passing of the past 9 months, but as if it happened yesterday... cuz that's when it was written... the day after we got the news.
It is with a very heavy heart that I write that we lost someone very close and dear to our family and to Julie in particular. Lesley Jankausky... Julie's long time friend, maid of honor at our wedding, Lyndsey's Godmother and helper/birth coach during Nick's birth.
Julie recounts a story from after Nick was born... upon Lesley taking over the "carrying duties" (as Julie's labor was a long one) she proclaimed , "I'm sorry, I just can't carry him anymore." In fairness... Nick was a mini-tank being only a few sugar packets shy of 10 pounds.
She moved to Colorado some time ago and was a science teacher teaching at Evergreen Middle School. She still has a lot of friends in the Chicagoland area (including her dad) and it was our understanding that she was en-route coming home for Christmas.
Heading east on interstate 80, near a town called Paxton (in Nebraska) at approximately 7am local time, it appears that she hit some black ice and lost control and crossed the median into the westbound lanes and collided with a semi. Julie was the first person of contact as the Keith County sheriff called Julie at work. It seems that the only number they had was from a card that Julie sent that Lesley had in her purse.
She was way too young at only 42.
I wanted to post something when it happened (12/22/09) but we hadn't told the kids yet and this wouldn't be the way we wanted them to find out.
Auntie Lesley was adored by the kids. Even though our respective lives got in our way (not to mention the geographic constraints) limiting how often we'd get to see Auntie Lesley, no matter the length of time between, our kids enthusiasm (as well as Lesley's) never waned. She was like a rock star in that the kids would be smitten and vying for her attention whenever she was around. She was, in spite of the miles between us, very much a part of our family.
Over about 17 years or so, the Lesley that I had come to know had a great zest for life and was always (seemingly) doing something, or was just about to embark on doing something. She and I shared an affection for all things Beatles, and she was a White Sox fan... nuff said! I mean what wasn't to like?
Here are a some links to a few pictures we have of her from when we last saw her when she caught up with us and camped with us across Colorado during Emmah's Make-A-Wish trip.... at breakfast, with the kids and with Ana... The breakfast picture and the kids picture were taken on day that we parted company. She headed back home and we pressed west. Who knew that that would be the last time that we would see her?
Lesley had brought along her own tent to sleep in and I remember during one of the first nights of camping on that trip, we experienced a major windstorm. I remember that as the winds howled (and it was rather chilly) I recall thinking that I didn't want to get out of my warm sleeping bag (@ like 6am) and make my way across the campground to go to the bathroom. Eventually I had to heed the call of my bladder and made the trek. Naturally I wasn't in a great rush to get back as the building that housed the bathroom also had a sitting area... and it was warm inside. I took a seat and saw Lesley making her way to the building... she also answering the call. She then sat down with me and I asked her if it was windy by her (our tents were adjacent to one another... as in right next to each other) she laughed. We continued talking for a bit talking about our disbelief of the weather. She then said that she had to go since like 3am but she was afraid that she was the only thing keeping her tent from blowing away.
I realize that by the time I post this that some time will have passed, but I wanted to get something into words while the feelings were fresh. I also realize that I am not alone in this feeling... but I for one will miss her.
A saying comes to mind "It's not the years in your life, it's the life in your years"... Lesley was a personification of that saying.
Lesley, you (and Billy Joel) were right... "only the good die young"
R.I.P.
The following is not edited to reflect the passing of the past 9 months, but as if it happened yesterday... cuz that's when it was written... the day after we got the news.
It is with a very heavy heart that I write that we lost someone very close and dear to our family and to Julie in particular. Lesley Jankausky... Julie's long time friend, maid of honor at our wedding, Lyndsey's Godmother and helper/birth coach during Nick's birth.
Julie recounts a story from after Nick was born... upon Lesley taking over the "carrying duties" (as Julie's labor was a long one) she proclaimed , "I'm sorry, I just can't carry him anymore." In fairness... Nick was a mini-tank being only a few sugar packets shy of 10 pounds.
She moved to Colorado some time ago and was a science teacher teaching at Evergreen Middle School. She still has a lot of friends in the Chicagoland area (including her dad) and it was our understanding that she was en-route coming home for Christmas.
Heading east on interstate 80, near a town called Paxton (in Nebraska) at approximately 7am local time, it appears that she hit some black ice and lost control and crossed the median into the westbound lanes and collided with a semi. Julie was the first person of contact as the Keith County sheriff called Julie at work. It seems that the only number they had was from a card that Julie sent that Lesley had in her purse.
She was way too young at only 42.
I wanted to post something when it happened (12/22/09) but we hadn't told the kids yet and this wouldn't be the way we wanted them to find out.
Auntie Lesley was adored by the kids. Even though our respective lives got in our way (not to mention the geographic constraints) limiting how often we'd get to see Auntie Lesley, no matter the length of time between, our kids enthusiasm (as well as Lesley's) never waned. She was like a rock star in that the kids would be smitten and vying for her attention whenever she was around. She was, in spite of the miles between us, very much a part of our family.
Over about 17 years or so, the Lesley that I had come to know had a great zest for life and was always (seemingly) doing something, or was just about to embark on doing something. She and I shared an affection for all things Beatles, and she was a White Sox fan... nuff said! I mean what wasn't to like?
Here are a some links to a few pictures we have of her from when we last saw her when she caught up with us and camped with us across Colorado during Emmah's Make-A-Wish trip.... at breakfast, with the kids and with Ana... The breakfast picture and the kids picture were taken on day that we parted company. She headed back home and we pressed west. Who knew that that would be the last time that we would see her?
Lesley had brought along her own tent to sleep in and I remember during one of the first nights of camping on that trip, we experienced a major windstorm. I remember that as the winds howled (and it was rather chilly) I recall thinking that I didn't want to get out of my warm sleeping bag (@ like 6am) and make my way across the campground to go to the bathroom. Eventually I had to heed the call of my bladder and made the trek. Naturally I wasn't in a great rush to get back as the building that housed the bathroom also had a sitting area... and it was warm inside. I took a seat and saw Lesley making her way to the building... she also answering the call. She then sat down with me and I asked her if it was windy by her (our tents were adjacent to one another... as in right next to each other) she laughed. We continued talking for a bit talking about our disbelief of the weather. She then said that she had to go since like 3am but she was afraid that she was the only thing keeping her tent from blowing away.
I realize that by the time I post this that some time will have passed, but I wanted to get something into words while the feelings were fresh. I also realize that I am not alone in this feeling... but I for one will miss her.
A saying comes to mind "It's not the years in your life, it's the life in your years"... Lesley was a personification of that saying.
Lesley, you (and Billy Joel) were right... "only the good die young"
R.I.P.
10 August, 2010
Marking of time...
I often have talked (here on the blog) about time and how fleeting it is and how it really rules our world. I've talked about how the same measure of time (whether it be 8 hours, 8 days or 8 weeks) can feel so different pending the circumstances surrounding that measure of time. It's truly perceptual and not just from person to person... most often it's from within oneself... and so it is once again... a marking of an inauspicious occasion. One in some ways is hard to believe that it has come to pass already and is just the beginning in a marking of many more.
This morning (as of 9 am) will be the marking of 6 months already that Emmah's body exhausted itself in its fight and her spirit set free.
I remember in the beginning (of the battle) thinking that 6 months was a lifetime away... and so it seemed at the time as we marked out how many more chemo sessions were left. But here I sit 6 months out of the day that changed (in unimaginable ways) my life... our lives forever. What I don't quite understand is how within my own perception that it seems like a blink and 6 months has gone by, but in another way, it seems like somehow this has been going on forever.
My heart aches the same (often more) as it did on that morning... the only change being is the initial shock has waned... and that has been replaced by disbelief and a deep emptiness. As one day passes into the next, I find myself listening to my music. It is in this that I hear so many appropriate lines... lines that are fitting in one or more facets of my life... our lives. One that is getting a lot of head time (playing in my mind) and air time (my iPod) is by the Bee Gees...
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart -
I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do.
I could never see tomorrow,I was never told about the sorrow.
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.
I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees
And misty memories of days gone by
We could never see tomorrow, noone said a word about the sorrow.
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.
My broken heart will never mend... but I anticipate that I will learn (albeit with a broken heart) to live again...
Emmah, if tears shed could bring you back, then I alone would have brought you back a thousand times and mom a thousand times more.
I love you and miss you Emmah...
KEIYH
This morning (as of 9 am) will be the marking of 6 months already that Emmah's body exhausted itself in its fight and her spirit set free.
I remember in the beginning (of the battle) thinking that 6 months was a lifetime away... and so it seemed at the time as we marked out how many more chemo sessions were left. But here I sit 6 months out of the day that changed (in unimaginable ways) my life... our lives forever. What I don't quite understand is how within my own perception that it seems like a blink and 6 months has gone by, but in another way, it seems like somehow this has been going on forever.
My heart aches the same (often more) as it did on that morning... the only change being is the initial shock has waned... and that has been replaced by disbelief and a deep emptiness. As one day passes into the next, I find myself listening to my music. It is in this that I hear so many appropriate lines... lines that are fitting in one or more facets of my life... our lives. One that is getting a lot of head time (playing in my mind) and air time (my iPod) is by the Bee Gees...
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart -
I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do.
I could never see tomorrow,I was never told about the sorrow.
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.
I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees
And misty memories of days gone by
We could never see tomorrow, noone said a word about the sorrow.
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.
My broken heart will never mend... but I anticipate that I will learn (albeit with a broken heart) to live again...
Emmah, if tears shed could bring you back, then I alone would have brought you back a thousand times and mom a thousand times more.
I love you and miss you Emmah...
KEIYH
04 August, 2010
03 August, 2010
Splish Splash
Picture if you will a house... a house that was built in 1889. A house that was built with the finest construction ingredients of its day. Plaster walls, hardwood floors, limestone foundation... clapboard siding. Not just any house built in 1889 mind you, but the one that rested at 621 Western.
Ahhhh...
That's right... 621, that's what the number used to be that hung over the door. I'm thinking that they changed it to 605 to remove any bad juju... it's not working.
So... 4:30 in the AM... I wake up to some thunder and lightening, oh and rain too. I figure... well, now that I'm awake, I may as well hop on the old computer to check the radar and see how much rain we were in for I mean at that time, it didn't seem like it was coming down too heavy... but first a trip to the turlet.
Okay, let's have a look see... Boy... that's a lot of dark green out there... and some yellow and orange and red. Man... that's a lot of rain headed this way... nothing I can do about it and I'm certainly not going to be getting up now with only being 4:45am and all. Close the lid on the computer and settle back in to cop a couple more hours of some zzzz's.
One bright lightening flash and (nearly simultaneous) sonic boom later and it's lights out... as in no power.
Fast forward to a little before 7am and still no power. Need to get the kids up soon as they all have a date with the dentist. Julie goes off to work a couple of hours and calls me to ask if I've been in the basement yet.
I have not.
I think you can see where this was headed with the title. I open the door to the basement (and it's dark down there... still without power) but I can see that the cat carrier that is down there has floated over to the bottom of the stairs. This also meant that the cat boxes and plastic totes were either floating too, or had capsized and taken on water... so much for plastic totes.
DAMN!
Okay kids let's finish up and make sure that we're ready by 9:30... that's when Julie was coming home to pick us up.
Power comes back on at 9:00... so it's been out for like 4 hours. Now I have light and can make my way down to assess the mess/fallout of that charming limestone basement turned marina with all the floating things. So 5" of rain and no power for 4 hours can make an awful mess. In all the years that we've lived here and the multiple times that the basement has flooded, this is the most water we've taken on.
So signing off now (after letting the pump do it's thing for a while) to go down and clean up the marina... I mean basement.
Where's my snorkel?
KEIYH
Ahhhh...
That's right... 621, that's what the number used to be that hung over the door. I'm thinking that they changed it to 605 to remove any bad juju... it's not working.
So... 4:30 in the AM... I wake up to some thunder and lightening, oh and rain too. I figure... well, now that I'm awake, I may as well hop on the old computer to check the radar and see how much rain we were in for I mean at that time, it didn't seem like it was coming down too heavy... but first a trip to the turlet.
Okay, let's have a look see... Boy... that's a lot of dark green out there... and some yellow and orange and red. Man... that's a lot of rain headed this way... nothing I can do about it and I'm certainly not going to be getting up now with only being 4:45am and all. Close the lid on the computer and settle back in to cop a couple more hours of some zzzz's.
One bright lightening flash and (nearly simultaneous) sonic boom later and it's lights out... as in no power.
Fast forward to a little before 7am and still no power. Need to get the kids up soon as they all have a date with the dentist. Julie goes off to work a couple of hours and calls me to ask if I've been in the basement yet.
I have not.
I think you can see where this was headed with the title. I open the door to the basement (and it's dark down there... still without power) but I can see that the cat carrier that is down there has floated over to the bottom of the stairs. This also meant that the cat boxes and plastic totes were either floating too, or had capsized and taken on water... so much for plastic totes.
DAMN!
Okay kids let's finish up and make sure that we're ready by 9:30... that's when Julie was coming home to pick us up.
Power comes back on at 9:00... so it's been out for like 4 hours. Now I have light and can make my way down to assess the mess/fallout of that charming limestone basement turned marina with all the floating things. So 5" of rain and no power for 4 hours can make an awful mess. In all the years that we've lived here and the multiple times that the basement has flooded, this is the most water we've taken on.
So signing off now (after letting the pump do it's thing for a while) to go down and clean up the marina... I mean basement.
Where's my snorkel?
KEIYH
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