Marking of time...

I often have talked (here on the blog) about time and how fleeting it is and how it really rules our world.  I've talked about how the same measure of time (whether it be 8 hours, 8 days or 8 weeks) can feel so different pending the circumstances surrounding that measure of time.  It's truly perceptual and not just from person to person... most often it's from within oneself... and so it is once again... a marking of an inauspicious occasion.  One in some ways is hard to believe that it has come to pass already and is just the beginning in a marking of many more.

This morning (as of 9 am) will be the marking of 6 months already that Emmah's body exhausted itself in its fight and her spirit set free.

I remember in the beginning (of the battle) thinking that 6 months was a lifetime away... and so it seemed at the time as we marked out how many more chemo sessions were left.  But here I sit 6 months out of the day that changed (in unimaginable ways) my life... our lives forever.  What I don't quite understand is how within my own perception that it seems like a blink and 6 months has gone by, but in another way, it seems like somehow this has been going on forever.

My heart aches the same (often more) as it did on that morning... the only change being is the initial shock has waned... and that has been replaced by disbelief and a deep emptiness.  As one day passes into the next, I find myself listening to my music.  It is in this that I hear so many appropriate lines... lines that are fitting in one or more facets of my life... our lives. One that is getting a lot of head time (playing in my mind) and air time (my iPod) is by the Bee Gees...

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart -

I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do.
I could never see tomorrow,I was never told about the sorrow.

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.

I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees
And misty memories of days gone by
We could never see tomorrow, noone said a word about the sorrow.

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.


My broken heart will never mend... but I anticipate that I will learn (albeit with a broken heart) to live again...

Emmah, if tears shed could bring you back, then I alone would have brought you back a thousand times and mom a thousand times more.

I love you and miss you Emmah...

KEIYH