Missing Emmah...

Sometimes the emptiness is able to be kept in check... other times, not so much. Sometimes there's a trigger, other times not sure what brings it on. Only know that (I suspect) this is going to be the way it goes for an undetermined amount of time going forward.

I'm reminded of some lines/lyrics from the song Hole Hearted...

Life's ambition occupies my time

Priorities confuse the mind

Happiness one step behind

This inner peace I've yet to find

If I'm not blind why can't I see

That a circle can't fit

Where a square should be

There's a hole in my heart

That can only be filled by you

And this hole in my heart

Can't be filled with the things I do

This heart of stone is where I hide

Day by day less satisfied

Should have known from the start

I'd fall short with the things that I do

(for those that know or are familiar with the song, I've used lines that feel appropriate)

I know that I said that the feelings will last for an undetermined amount of time, but I think (in truth) it will be more like the tide... never ending and ever changing pending where I am on the beach. If I'm high enough up the beach, it never reaches me and that's okay... I know it's there and always will be. Then there are the days that I'm a little further down walking close, right at the edge and it touches and washes over my feet allowing me to feel it's chill/coldness. Then there days like today where I'm buried up to my neck at low tide and high tide rolls on in and I'm drowning in it as it consumes me.

There's a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you Emmah...

On a lighter note... the kids were out riding their bikes today. Ana on her trike, Lyndsey on her two wheeler (with training wheels) both bikes still having that new bike smell as they were Christmas gifts from Santa. Not to be left out Rachael shows up with her bike followed by the boys shortly after that... the boys looking for any excuse to get out of the torturous yard work I was imposing on them... not being done be damned.

Now Rachael feeling lucky... or ambitious... or both (or just plain crazy) requested to Julie that she wanted her training wheels off. Julie accommodated that request and removed them. Shortly after that, Ana also requested to Julie that she too wanted her training wheels off.

Now THAT'S ambitious!

KEIYH