Here's to hoping

Here we are on the cusp of a new year... what I'd really like is to be on the cusp of a new era... an era that I don't have to face the cancer that has been so prevalent these past three years. An era where I can focus totally on the kids and Julie and be the dad/husband they need and deserve. An era where there's no need to be looking over my shoulder to see if the city is still standing there tapping their foot and glaring at me. An era that brings some semblance of real normalcy and not what we've come to know as normal. An era that brings peace of mind and comfort knowing that everything will be okay.

With every changing of the year, I become melancholy and a feeling of pensiveness washes over me even as I try to remain optimistic and hopeful that the new year will bring some good change our way. It's just so damn hard when the only things that seems to change for us is the date it's happening. 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009... it's all the same. I will again hope that the changing of the year will bring with it some good luck and good news for a change...

Here's to hoping...

I know that we do have things to be thankful for and we are thankful for them, it's just they are overshadowed by this cancer battle. I'm nearing the end of my rope... though a friend once said that "it's when you're at the end of your rope that you swing the farthest". We are just so tired... and tired in every sense of the word. I just want the intangible... A permanently healthy Emmah... I mean I want everyone healthy... aw, you know what I mean.

We are yet again in the hospital after Emmah had a flare up Monday night that we couldn't manage with the pain meds we had at home. So into the ER it was. They managed to get her comfortable with her pain going from 8-9-10 to a 4-5-6... so we (they) were able to cut it in half. We were given the option to stay or go, but Emmah felt more comfortable staying... so here we are yet again.

Hoping that we can get home for the New Year... but that remains to be seen. Please pray for Emmah and focus on Emmah. There's no need to pray for the rest of us because if Emmah is healthy and good, we will, by default, be good too.

KEIYTAP